The Quest for Our Home

Since I got back from Texas Luke and I have been trying to make our way up to the Salt Lake City area. It has been everything from exciting to completely frustrating. We looked at apartments and were ill-impressed with what we observed. I could only describe those places as tiny, rundown, smelly apartments. After that extravaganza we both decided that it was time to again start looking at places to buy. We spoke with a family friend at American Lending Network. We found out that with our current situation we qualify for 160,000. Although, we would feel more comfortable getting into a house around the price range of 145,000. The house above is currently listed at 139,900. I believe that is a really good price for what we would be getting. BUT, every other day I go through the feelings that I am not ready to "grow up". The thought of having a mortgage scare the piss outta me. Also, with me just turning 21 our priorities are not quite in the right mind set to go forward with any of this. On top of all that we are looking at needing about 6,000 down to begin with. We have $200 in savings right now and I dont think that I can make that multiply as quick as we would like it to. SO, Luke and I came up with a plan to move in with his parents in order to save all of our current rent money, pay off a few bills, and get back into the correct mind set. The only problem that I see with this plan is that we are not going to be able to move in until Feb, THEN we will have to wait 6-8 months in order to have enough down, THEN we will still need to find the house of our dreams.... PLUS my career is currently waiting on us getting closer to SLC. The reason behind this is that my next step forward is to land a job a Salt Lake City Community College. I really dislike the unexpected and yet I love the options that we have. Long story short... I feel that I am in purgatory for the time being. Yet loving it. HA!

College life for me?

As many of you may already know I have been thrown into an unintentional vacation to visit Luke's amazing Grandparents in San Antonio, Texas. Although, I do wish that I had come her of my own free will, I love taking this opportunity to spend some much needed time with them. They have both had to work this week. So, over the last few days I have joined John at his school, UTSA. There is one close to the house and one in down town San Antonio. Today I sit in the common area that has a a name kind of like sombrero. As I watch the young adults mingle over coffee, I find it hard to see myself in this world long term. Yes, if I had had to chance to go to college directly after high school I would have fit in very well. Although, now, I find it hard to put aside my feelings of jealousy and contempt for most these people. They are living the life that I wanted for so very long. School IS their job. Perhaps, if I start in a community college I wil feel differently. What do you think?

Away I go

Luke and I have been together for over 4 years. During this time we have never been apart for an extended period of time. We have been extremely lucky in this. Now, I have offered my shoulder for a friend. Her name is Ariel McAllister Ratzlaff. Her husband is currently away in the army. She has the daunting task of moving away from El Paso. Together we will sell/organize/move everything they own. oh AND she has a 4 1/2 month old son. :D We will be leaving on the 15th till October 15th. I am very excited to go. But, a month is a very long time for Luke and I. So, wish us luck in our adventures this month and I will see you all next month!

Sleepy Weekend Over

This weekend was difficult. Not in the sense of cash, time, or expectations. Simply put, I slept most all weekend. If I was not sleeping I was tired and upset. I am glad that it is over and I can get back to feeling alive in the middle of the night again. I know that I am likely turning into a vampire but for now I am okay with that. :D

Time to Sleep?

FYI Luke's Work Schedule;

Sunday: 12:01am-12:01pm

Monday: 12:01am-10:00am

Tuesday: 12:01am-10:00am

Wednesday: 12:01am-10:00am

Thursday: OFF

Friday: OFF

Saturday: OFF

I am currently on the same sleep schedule as Luke is.

A Youtube Video to Brighten Your Morning

The Fight Scene from YES MAN!

I love this clip because it shows the BEST part of this film. You can skip 1min and 47seconds in and you wont miss why I love it. Let me know what you think! :P

Cousin's Camp Family Photo

I have altered it. I hope that it looks okay. :D

The Dress I Can't Ignore

Cant we have a prom at 21? This dress screams at me to make millions and dress like a princess daily. If for only a moment I find my path again it would be worth it.... well kinda... it is 400 big ones... $ching$ching$ching. Perhaps next time my love. For now, I will try to pick myself up on a free tone. Luke and I are struggling with dentist bills, full (not maxed) credit cards, and life in general. Looks like we might not make it to vegas this fall after all. :( I have been thinking a lot about getting a job that I can not give two shits about... got any ideas? I set out resumes again this morning for open Graphic Design positions. I was only able to find 4 on Craig's List... that is not normal. Perhaps it is a sign that I need to get my ass out there and make my billions elsewhere.

What Calls to My Stomach

Julianie's Awesome Sauce Alfredo:
1 pint Whipping Cream
8 oz fresh parmesan
to taste onion powder/garlic
Cooked noodles of choice (fettucini, rotini, farfalle)
Cooked chicken of choice (grilled, baked, fried)

In a medium sauce pan continuously stir whipping cream at a medium heat till simmering. Add 1/2 parmesan. Continue to stir. Add more parmesan till you get the consistency that you would like. Add onion powder/garlic to taste. Pour Alfredo over noodles. Slice chicken and place over noodles. For added look add a sprinkle of fresh parmesan over your finished project. And then Whallah! Amazing Alfredo! This recipe also reheats alright, it will separate a bit. Not intended for every night usage, you will definitely get fat from that. Also, it goes GREAT in Luke's pizza dough to make a Chicken-Artichoke-Alfredo-Pizza.

The Rhythm of My Heart

A common question is "what is your favorite song". I can honestly say that I have no idea. There are too many good ones. Thinking deeper into this usually obvious question I have found that I really enjoy songs that remind me of those that I love. For example, to this day I when I see Luke happy I swear that I can hear Dashboard in my head and I can be happy too. When I see a smile on my dad's face I swear that we could be on the boat listening to Brad Paisley or Shania Twain. When I see girls dancing about, I hear club music just like my bachelorette party. So, I guess that my answer is that I have a lot of "favorite" songs.

Greatness comes in Threes

Sometimes we need to take a step back and remember the great things that life throws our way. It definitely makes the hard things easier to pass by when you can see all the great! So, in the past month I have had my share of amazing things. I would like to share just 3 with you.

First of all, my family did not die. Now, this may seem odd to place on here... but, it fits. Luke and I have been spending a lot of time with my family when we could very well be much more needed with the Hardings. On the 13th of April, Jenae and Thames Harding got in a very awful accident. They have been recovering since then. They were not wearing their seat belts and were lucky to get away with their lives. So, yes the holy man/woman upstairs blessed us by not taking them away that day.

Secondly, Toki is still with us as well. We were able to put him on vitamins and he seems to be doing better. He now only has about 1 seizure a day, he is running around the house playing, and his tail speaks his happiness again.

Thirdly, my eyes are filled with love. Love for spring, love for Luke, love for life! yeah, yeah, rose colored glasses.... I know.

The Trio

When we were younger you could picture us bouncing about, tackling, pushing, and fighting wherever we were. I am so glad that I have the capability to still have these amazing friends in my life. Yes, we have been through our fair share of ups and downs. But, looking back at it all I would not take anything back.

Below is a High School writing of our everyday lives:

The Mansion

Everyday

Crashes and bangs are heard throughout the round end, of a long road

little heads peak over fence posts, guarding them from intruders

long sticks become perfect weapons in an epic battle to the death

Inside Territory

The surrounding area sounds of obnoxious 'System of a Down' lyrics sung at the top of little lungs

every abandoned shoe has its own property in which no one wishes to trespass

screams protrude deafeningly when the apposing army gains the lead

game controllers begin to advance through the air

just to come crashing down upon thick skulls

The Fight

Rivals group into pairs to debate the conclusion on the game

limbs tangle and fists fly

pushing and heaving, each attempts to gain top of the totem pole

The After Math

Bundles of bodies lay in heaps on every thinkable surface, to tired to stir

breathing comes heavy, as they lay face down

fruitless attempts to continue the fight build up the silent tension

Take It Outside

Wails erupt from flying silhouettes against the sunset

jump after jump, gaining air as they take off

a sudden renewed disagreement breaks out

every soul leaps to get in on the action

grass stains glide carelessly over dirty jeans

crash and bangs are heard throughout the round end, of a long road

The Gordon Clan (aka siblings)

This is a hard subject for me to write about. Not because situations are "hard", but because there is SO MUCH going on at any given moment. We are not Dramatic people. Although, we all have our separate families and are at different points in our lives. I guess I give you insight on how each has helped me in the last few months or where they are currently at.

Chy (not shown in the picture, deceased) I still have yet to forgive him.

Nathan and Robyn have given Luke and I a ton of really useful financial advice. They have been 'there' and done 'that'. I am really glad that we can talk to them openly about our wants and needs and get their honest opinions.

Corry and Kele are living with Joshua and Chloe's. She is going to school and helping around the house. Honestly, I don't know more than that. I know that not every day is great.

Joshua and Chloe, I over flowing with happiness whenever I see them. I just can't believe how strong Josh has been. I am so very proud of the things he has done recently.

Joel and Christina are always there to help me up and out of anything. I know I can count on them to be there. It sucks that I have had to rely on them so much lately. But, I am happy that they have been able to be there for me and us.

So, there is the immediate clan in a box... :D

The Tree from which I Fell

Together I feel that my parents have prepared me for everything that they could. I am one of the very very lucky ones, I had the pleasure and ability to grow up with a loving family. Even today we are all very close. We all live in the the Utah County area, we see each other at least every month or so, and we jump at the chance to help each other. I should thank my parents for this every day.

First Love

Growing up I had a lot of hobbies to keep myself entertained. I was not an only child. But, my closet brother was 7 years older then me. And most of my other siblings were already starting to move again. So, I made computers out of cardboard, dresses for my "my size" barbie doll (which unfortunately was realistically WAS my size for far too long), and playing witch doctor with the neighbor girls that I didn't like. Those are all great stories but the love I would like to share with you is much closer to my heart.

As every other child I burned through after school activities like a wild fire. Only one truly stuck. That was playing my guitar. I would race home (not early but at 6) to sit alone in my room alone to play her. I came up with a ton of songs, but only ever "completed" 3. Everything was great. Till I killed it for myself. When my brother died I remember trying to pour all of my feelings into that old guitar. Anything to get them out. As I healed from that dark experience I grew away from my guitar as well. Like all first loves, it didn't seem to last long enough.

Now, she hangs on my wall with her counterparts. I will bring one down occasionally to strum it a while. But, never again will it be the same.

Healing

On friday Dylan, Chris, and I went to get our tattoos done together. We have been planing on getting these done for years. But, I am happy that we waited until now. It turned out perfect. We had one artist at our disposal for about 3 1/2 hours. :D It will take about 2-3 weeks to fully heal and looks different every day.

I was able to get together with a really good friend last night. I hope things are healing. I need to remember that I can not control the people that I love in my life. I need to remember that I would probably do the same if I were in their positions. So, to those that I love that have been hurt by me, know that it is a flaw of mine and I truly am sorry.

Health-wise, I have never been healthier in my life. Come to find out that I have not ever had ulcers AND I am NOT Lactose intolerant! I was raised lactose intolerant! So, what am I going to do with this new found information? NOTHING! HA! I'm not going to go eat a whole tub of ice cream or anything, I know what you were thinking. I am well informed that doing so could make anyone sick. So, thank you, but I will pass on laying in bed with a tummy ache. Also, I stopped taking that ridiculous medication. 4 times a day on an empty stomach an hour before I eat?! HA! No thanks! There are too many variables that I just wont live by. Not to mention the fact that IF they did work, I would be on them for the rest of my life... PASS!

So, on to a happy, healing, GREAT new week!

Even Brighter then the Moon

Good News:

Luke got a new JOB! Scratch that a CAREER! It is at ViaWest in SLC. I am so totally happy, excited, and slightly really jealous of him of him! Guess it is time again for me to hit up craigslist. On that note we will probably be moving up there within the next year or so.

We are comfortably excelling, financially, relationship-wise, and all around. Now if the weather would cooperate...

The stupidest, smart dog is finding his place in the world, slowly but surly. Crate training him has really really helped. Although, Luke and I hope that when he is old we will not have to put him in a cage at night, for now it is all I can do to keep myself from killing him.

My internship is over... mixed news on this part. I am happy to not have to go to games any longer. I am sad that I no longer have the drive and direction that it provided for my future career.

We make too much money now for me to have any chance of getting a grant. This should be a good thing... and it truly is. The problem presences itself in the form that School is EXPENSIVE. I have started filling out scholarships to help will in the huge gap. Maybe, someday I will be able to find myself in a "classroom". (I want to take school online)

I went in for my EGD on April Fools day. They said that I am overall very healthy. They did find that my stomach lining is a little bit redder then it should be and they took a sample to test. I will know the full results this week. I am now taking 4 huge horse pills a day to help with the "redness". I go in for a gallbladder ultrasound tomorrow morning to see if they can find why i feel like crap all the time.

I am going to get my tattoo on FRIDAY! Wish me luck that I do not cry. :D

I look forward to the upcoming changes in my life and hope for the best.

The Strength to Get Up Off My Knees

I have felt pretty damn lost lately. As I try to cling to those who care for me, I find myself more empty handed then ever before. Don't get me wrong Luke, Justin, and my family do their best to fill in the holes that I find... it's just not all the same. I have been attempting to heal from the stupid choices in my life. It is an extremely long and grueling process. I know that I have done a lot of dumb things in my life but none have haunted me the same way as now. Perhaps all of this needed to happen now instead of waiting 10 years down the line when I would not be able to handle it the same way.... maybe...

So very loved before Valentines Day

I am so very very thankful for the people that help keep me afloat. Right now a few come to mind quickly... Of coarse my baby Luke is forever and always helping me struggle through the small hardships that come with living everyday as a woman. Paige has and is there for me. She was my maid of honor and so much more on my wedding day. She goes above and beyond with everything that she puts her mind to. It is so awesome to be able to talk to a girl that understand everything that I am going through at any given moment. I also know that if I call any sister, mother, or friend in my phone book I will not only get an answer to a question but a comfort of knowing that I am not alone. I just wanted to take a moment to reach out to those who have loved me and say that I love you back for anything and all that you do everyday of your lives.

So, where ever you are at this given moment know that it is not just Valentines Day that will bring love, you are loved everyday.